I Can Has Cheezburger?
I say not, good man... us fine domesticated felines absolutely despise those feral uneducated lolcats! How Droll! Have you heard the lolcats joke about using mice as money... as a form of underground currency... white slavery, can you imagine?!? How uncouth... brash, even!
I'll have you know.... "The Cat" is considered a cult animal in Egypt of the pyramids... felines have been blessed with the ability to see in the dark, hunt nocturnally with grace, use their quick reflexes, sharp fangs and retractable claws, to fall their prey without notice. Cats, even kittens, are next to godlike... literally predators of God. They are NOT the meowing, purring, hissing, pissing, growling, cat-nipped doofus' of the lower class lolcat... those ruffians give all cats a bad name!
As a fine tea cat, I can tell you... should you be unlucky enough to entertain lolcats, their manners may set you up for quite the shock! We had those filthy animals to tea one day, and what a disaster it was... the feral beasts thought it good humor to spike the teapot with catnip! The entire parlor house was out of control, they were literally hanging from the chandelier!
Two of the alley cats were talking trash about their adventures at a cat house, how rude! Three others were jumping jolly on the table, one of which caught the ceiling fan and was whipped around 20 times before releasing, and brutally slamming into the wall! Vile!
And my lord, and that's not even the beginning... a clutter of cats tore through the garbage bags looking for fish bones, while a few cat burglers clawed at the cradle and stole my silver spoons. A particularly raucous Cat; Stevens, stuffed a feline in a trash bag and wouldn't let her out, kept mumbling something about "the bags in the river"... I have no idea, he seemed completely out of his gourd!
Meanwhile, another one of these audacious lions started chewing on a priceless rare plant, a manic and botanical catastrophe... never mind the broken vase, the spilled milk, and the 'crumbled cookies' they kept yelling about! They even attached paper bags on the small kittens feet, threatening to let the dog out. Poor bugger was frantic, slipping around like a wounded animal on crack cocaine. Sick, I tell you... if they weren't from my breed, I would see them all put down!
When the stoned little kitties finally came down off the catnip tincture, they just lay where they fell, taking cat naps for hours. Some slept in the sink, others the toilet, some even crashed with flowers still in their puss... filthy gluttons! One especially egregious tiger even had the audacity to dig through the drawers looking for this cats pajamas! I say... no sweaty paws in my underwear, thank you very much!
As told, it was all quite a disaster... as they others woke up from their catatonic states, it was right back to loud laughter and louder caterwauls, they weren't even in heat and there wasn't a moon in sight! Let me tell you, we are gentlemen around here... and those lolcats are nothing but feral dopesick drug addicts, hooked on fast food and a need for speed! What a bunch of Beatniks!