The Dark Knight - Gothic Excalibur Horse T-Shirt

The Dark Knight - Gothic Excalibur Horse T-Shirt

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Dragonaut "The Dark Knight in Shining Armour" Maximilian Armour T-Shirt


Ladies, ladies ladies... any of you waiting so patiently for your medieval knight in shining armor, you may be in for a shock. While there be many chilvarous paladin out there, even today... and at one point, perhaps they wore that lovely suit of hammered Maximilian Armour, standing tall on their war horse... it's not all it's cracked up to be!

Unfortunately, the "shining armor" myth was simply born to sell armor to the local gothic knights. Castle Blacksmith market street signs cried; "Good things come to Shining-Armor Knights! Buy Armor, for Maidens are fair!" or "Slay the Dragon, and Return to Her Sweet Bosom!". While other alluring falsities began to spread through the castle walls; "Be like Robin Hood!" and "Kings Don't Wear Cloth!"... statements which appeal to the common medieval fantasy, but really have no true relevance as to whether you own armour or not.

It was the Crusades after all, the Knights Templar were in full force and Old English pride was ready to Joust any newcomer to England. So when a man of great stout trampled inside to look at the selection, the sales folk would promise even more... you could steal from the rich, and give to the poor! You could save all the damsels, and they'd do all your chores! Slay dragons on horseback, with matching armour for your mare! You could be a legend to the Queen!

Ohh, and the armor on sale was always so distinguished... with emblems and fancy epaulettes, engravings and seemingly important artists signatures. There's were brass or nickel plate cages for the face, which would ensure your nose never got wet. You could go for the silver of the holy grail, or shine in gold like a shimmering sun. You could pop a feather in your cap for full helmet flair, and a detail the gals might find fun.

The brutal truth of the matter, revealed itself but after the sale, in the hardest of places... in battle. It turns out a suit of metal with extremly limited movement, was diffcult to dodge cannonballs and burning oil... never mind attackers who were NOT wearing armor, if there was more than one, it was a great challenge to turn quickly (and pray to god and country you never actually fall down in the wallows). We won't even discuss the horrible outcome of steed armour, let's just say when your stallion falls, the sharp edges are her worst enemy.

Needless to say, armour sales slogged after the crusades. Most warriors turned to mead, and the bar wenches that served them. No longer looking for the court of a fair maiden, but simply a good time to avoid the thoughts of fallen friends (and horses). Many learned the hard way... a hero's life is short, thankless and perhaps abused by the elite class in power. A wise man helps those he can, but doesn't go looking for death in trade for glory. Those who do are not true hero's, but selfish and bloodthirsty killers, diguising their true nature as a "good man".

So ladies... it's tough not to fall pretty to the shining-armor myth, and we don't blame you for waiting. But may you loosen that focus, and look to your sides... you could find your true knight in waiting, already by your side.

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